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A Framework for Conscious Crossing
THE THRESHOLD METHODOLOGY™
A three-stage framework for conscious crossing of life's major passages.
A threshold is a passage from one identity to another.
Not just change. Not just challenge. Not just "hard time."
Identity transformation.
When you cross a threshold, the person you were before dies. You can't go back to them. And you can't skip ahead to who you'll become. You have to cross.
Examples of thresholds:
- Death of someone you love (you become a person whose parent/partner/child is dead)
- Divorce (you become a person who is no longer married, no longer "we")
- Diagnosis (you become a person with this illness, this body, this mortality)
- Job loss (you become a person without that identity, that purpose, that income)
- Spiritual awakening (you become a person who can't believe what you used to believe)
- Identity crisis (you become a person who doesn't know who they are anymore)
Thresholds can be:
- Chosen (leaving marriage, changing career)
- Unchosen (death, diagnosis, being left)
- Individual (your own crossing)
- Relational (couple, family, friendship crossing together)
- Organisational (company crossing collective threshold)
What all thresholds share: The old identity dies. New identity is born. The passage between them is the threshold.
Most people cross thresholds unconsciously.
UNCONSCIOUS CROSSING LOOKS LIKE:
- Numbing (alcohol, work, Netflix, sex, food, busyness - anything to not feel)
- Bypassing (spiritual positivity, "everything happens for a reason," premature forgiveness)
- Rushing (trying to "get over it," "move on," skip to feeling better)
- Performing ("I'm fine," looking good outward while falling apart inside)
- Collapsing (being swallowed by threshold, unable to function)
- Avoiding (pretending threshold isn't happening, denial)
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU CROSS UNCONSCIOUSLY:
- You survive, but you don't transform
- You carry unprocessed grief/rage/shame into next chapter
- You repeat patterns (same relationship dynamics, same wounds reenacted)
- You're haunted by what you didn't face
- Your children/relationships/work absorb what you didn't process
Most people cross unconsciously because:
- No one taught them how to cross consciously
- Culture doesn't support threshold crossing (only "getting back to normal")
- Support available (therapy, advice, wellness) wasn't designed for thresholds
- They're terrified of the void-and unconscious crossing is how you avoid it
The Threshold Methodology™ provides a map for conscious crossing-three stages that every threshold involves, whether you're aware of them or not.
When you know the stages, you can navigate them consciously instead of being swallowed by them.
STAGE 1: UNRAVELING
"Everything is falling apart. I don't know who I am anymore."
WHAT'S HAPPENING:
Your old identity is dying. The person you were before the threshold-the married person, the healthy person, the person with living parents, the person who believed what they believed-is dissolving.
This feels like:
- Everything falling apart
- Grief, rage, confusion, disorientation
- Can't hold old form anymore
- Losing sense of who you are
- Ground gone, nothing solid
This is not breakdown. This is threshold opening.
WHAT'S REQUIRED:
- Letting go (you can't hold the old form-it's over)
- Feeling the pain (grief, rage, fear-all of it)
- Surrendering control (you can't manage your way through dissolution)
- Not skipping ahead (you have to let yourself fall apart before you can come together differently)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO (Unconscious):
- Try to hold it together (performance, denial)
- Numb the pain (substances, distractions)
- Rush to "fix" or "heal" (can't tolerate dissolution)
- Spiritual bypass ("it's all happening for a reason")
WHAT CONSCIOUS CROSSING REQUIRES:
- Witness (someone to hold space while you fall apart)
- Permission to unravel (this is necessary, not weakness)
- Shadow inclusion (rage, grief, shame are part of it - not obstacles to it)
- Time (unraveling can't be rushed—it takes as long as it takes)
- Somatic support (your body is holding this - not just your mind)
PRACTICES IN UNRAVELING:
- Grief rituals (letting yourself wail, rage, sob-not politely, really)
- Letting go ceremonies (releasing what cannot come with you)
- Shadow naming (bringing darkness into light)
- Somatic release (body-based practices to move grief/rage through)
STAGE 2: RECLAMATION (The Liminal)
"I'm in the void. I'm not who I was, but I don't know who I'm becoming."
WHAT'S HAPPENING:
You've let go of the old identity. But the new one hasn't formed yet.
You're in between. The void. The liminal space.
This feels like:
- Emptiness, uncertainty, groundlessness
- Not knowing who you are
- Strange mix of terror and possibility
- Nothing to hold onto
- Disorientation in time and space
- Loneliness and seclusion
This is the crossing itself. Not a detour or mistake - this is the threshold.
WHAT'S REQUIRED:
- Being in not - knowing (tolerance for uncertainty)
- Reclaiming lost parts (shadow integration - retrieving what you disowned)
- Experimenting (trying on new forms without committing yet)
- Staying (not rushing out of the void because it's uncomfortable)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO (Unconscious):
- Rush to rebuild (new relationship, new job, new identity- anything to escape void)
- Make premature commitments (marry the rebound, take wrong job, adopt identity that doesn't fit)
- Collapse in void (depression, inertia, unable to function)
- Avoid the void entirely (stay busy, numb, distracted)
WHAT CONSCIOUS CROSSING REQUIRES:
- Holding in the void (witness who isn't afraid of your not - knowing)
- Shadow retrieval (bringing disowned parts back - inner child, sexuality, ambition, rage, tenderness, whatever you lost)
- Somatic reclamation (returning to body after trauma/grief evicted you)
- Permission to experiment (try things on without pressure to commit)
- Trust in emergence (new identity will form - you can't force it)
PRACTICES IN RECLAMATION:
- Void practices (being with emptiness, not filling it)
- Shadow dialogues (conversing with disowned parts)
- Somatic exploration (dance, movement, sensation, embodiment)
- Identity experiments (playing with who you might become)
- Dreamwork (unconscious speaks loudly in liminal time)
STAGE 3: AUTHORSHIP
"I'm becoming someone new. I can feel it emerging."
WHAT'S HAPPENING:
New identity is forming. You're not who you were before the threshold. You're someone different-transformed by the crossing.
This feels like:
- Something emerging (clarity, direction, sense of self)
- Integration (shadow and light coming together, old and new weaving)
- Authorship (writing your new story from transformed self)
- Ground returning (but different ground-you're standing somewhere new)
- Aliveness (energy, possibility, purpose returning)
This is not "going back to normal." You're not returning to who you were. You're becoming who you're becoming.
WHAT'S REQUIRED:
- Integration (weaving all parts together - shadow included)
- Authorship (actively writing your new story - not having it written for you)
- Embodiment (living as new identity, not just thinking about it)
- Completion (ritually marking the passage - you crossed, honour that)
WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO (Unconscious):
- Try to return to "normal" (pre-threshold self is gone - this doesn't work)
- Skip integration (performing new identity without actually embodying it)
- Refuse completion (never fully claiming the crossing - staying in liminal)
- Let others author their story (adopting expected identity instead of true one)
WHAT CONSCIOUS CROSSING REQUIRES:
- Integration support (help weaving shadow/light, old/new, all parts)
- Authorship practices (writing, speaking, embodying new story)
- Ritual completion (ceremony marking the crossing - you did it)
- Celebration (honoring what you crossed and who you became)
PRACTICES IN AUTHORSHIP:
- Authorship writing (who am I now? What's my new story?)
- Integration embodiment (living as new self, not just knowing about new self)
- New identity practices (habits, relationships, choices aligned with who you've become)
- Completion ritual (threshold ceremony-marking passage)
- Celebration (honoring your crossing with joy, not just relief)
Important clarification:
The three stages (Unraveling → Reclamation → Authorship) are not neat, linear, or one-directional.
IN REALITY:
- You'll cycle back (feel like you're in Authorship, then suddenly back in Unraveling)
- Multiple stages coexist (Unraveling in one area of life while Authorship in another)
- Duration varies (some people in Reclamation for months, others for years)
- Thresholds layer (new threshold begins before you've finished the last one)
THE MAP HELPS ANYWAY:
Even though the journey isn't linear, knowing the stages helps you:
- Recognise where you are ("Oh, I'm back in Unraveling-that's okay")
- Trust the process (Reclamation WILL move to Authorship-even if it takes time)
- Not rush (each stage has its purpose-can't skip ahead)
- Ask for what you need (different support for different stages)
I didn't develop The Threshold Methodology™ from books.
I developed it from crossing thresholds that should have destroyed me.
When I was in the worst of my… everything… I needed a map.
The maps I found (stages of grief, hero’s journey, therapeutic models) helped somewhat, but they didn’t capture what I was actually living. They didn’t speak to the dissolution, the terror, the disorientation, or the strange clarity that arrives only when your old identity has fully collapsed.
So I started mapping my own crossing:
- What was actually happening in each phase?
- What did I actually need (that I wasn't getting)?
- What happened when I crossed consciously vs. unconsciously?
- What did emergence actually feel like (not theoretically-actually)?
And later, during my Vision Quest - alone on the mountain, fasting, stripped of every distraction, confronted with my own fear in the dark - the structure of the crossing became unmistakably clear. The Quest didn’t create the methodology, but it revealed its architecture. It confirmed the three stages in a way that only the wilderness, silence, and terror can: Unravelling, Reclamation, Authorship.
The Threshold Methodology™ emerged from that lived inquiry.
Then I started holding others through their thresholds-and refined the methodology through their crossings. Hundreds of people. Dozens of threshold types. Individual, relational, organisational.
The framework held.
Not because I invented something clever. Because I mapped what's true about threshold crossing - and truth holds.
Here's what to expect if we work together.
THE CORE OF HOW I WORK
NOT THERAPY. NOT COACHING. NOT ADVICE.
DEPTH WITNESS FOR YOUR CROSSING.
Here's what to expect if we work together.
WITNESS, NOT FIXING
I don't fix you. You're not broken.
You're crossing a threshold. That's not pathology - it's transformation.
My job is to witness your crossing - to hold space while you unravel, reclaim, and author. Not to fix, advise, or manage.
WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE:
- I listen deeply (more than I talk)
- I hold space for whatever arises (grief, rage, confusion, clarity)
- I don't try to make you feel better (your pain is part of the crossing)
- I trust your process (you know how to cross - even if you don't know you know)
- I'm present (not thinking about what to say next - actually with you)
WHY THIS MATTERS:
Most support tries to fix, change, or improve you. That can be helpful for some things. But thresholds don't need fixing - they need witnessing.
Your crossing is already happening. What you need is someone to hold you while it unfolds.
DEPTH, NOT SURFACE
I work in depth.
Not surface - level processing. Not coping strategies. Not "how to feel better."
Depth: shadow, soma, psyche, meaning, transformation.
WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE:
- Shadow work: We journey into your rage, shame, grief, fear-not around them. What you're avoiding is often what you most need to face.
- Somatic work: Your body holds what your mind can't process. We work with sensation, breath, movement - not just talking.
- Depth inquiry: I ask questions that crack you open - not questions with easy answers. "What are you most afraid will happen?" "What's dying that you haven't acknowledged?" "Who are you without this identity?"
- Meaning-making: What does this threshold mean? What's it teaching you? What's the story you're telling yourself vs. what's actually true?
WHY THIS MATTERS:
Surface work keeps you comfortable but doesn't transform you. Depth work is uncomfortable but leads to actual becoming.
If you want comfortable, I'm not your practitioner. If you want transformed, I can hold you through it.
HONEST, NOT NICE
I'm honest. I'm not always nice.
Nice would mean: Telling you what you want to hear. Protecting you from hard truths. Softening everything so it doesn't hurt.
Honest means: Telling you what I see, even when it's uncomfortable. Naming patterns you don't want to look at. Asking questions you don't want to answer.
WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE:
- I'll name the pattern you're avoiding ("You keep saying you want to leave, but you're still staying. What's that about?")
- I'll call out bullshit gently but clearly ("That sounds like a story you're telling yourself to avoid the grief")
- I'll ask the hard question ("What if you never 'heal' from this? What if this is just who you are now?")
- I won't protect you from your own truth (but I'll hold you while you face it)
WHY THIS MATTERS:
Thresholds require honesty. If you're performing "I'm fine" and I don't name it, I'm colluding with your avoidance. That doesn't serve your crossing.
My honesty is in service of your transformation - not cruelty, not judgment. But I won't withhold what I see.
LIVED EXPERIENCE, NOT THEORY
I hold your threshold because I've crossed my own.
I don't know what divorce is like from textbooks. I know because I've been through two.
I don't know what high-conflict co-parenting is like from research. I know because I've lived years of it.
I don't know what grief, diagnosis, spiritual crisis are like from theory. I know from the inside.
WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE:
- I recognise what you're experiencing (because I've experienced versions of it)
- I'm not afraid of your darkness (I've been in my own)
- I know what actually helps (not what "should" help theoretically)
- I can tell you "yes, it's that bad" (instead of minimising)
- I can tell you "you'll survive this" (because I survived it)
WHY THIS MATTERS:
There's a difference between someone who's studied thresholds and someone who's crossed them. You can feel it when you're with someone who's been where you are.
I've been where you are. That's why you can trust me to hold you there.
NO AGENDA
I have no agenda for your crossing.
I don't need you to stay married. I don't need you to leave. I don't need you to forgive. I don't need you to stay angry. I don't need you to "heal" on any timeline.
My only agenda: that you cross consciously.
WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE:
- In couples work: I don't advocate for staying together OR separating - I support conscious crossing either direction
- In grief: I don't push you to "move on" or stay stuck - I trust your grief's timeline
- In career crisis: I don't tell you to stay or leave - I help you see clearly so you can choose
- In any threshold: I'm not attached to any outcome - only to consciousness
WHY THIS MATTERS:
When your practitioner has an agenda (even a well - meaning one like "save the marriage" or "find peace"), it colors everything. You feel the pressure to meet their expectation.
I have no expectation for your crossing - only trust in your process. That's liberation.
EXCEPTION: I have a strong bias toward mediation over litigation in divorce situations (based on lived experience of litigation's devastation). I'll advocate for mediation when it's possible. But the final choice is always yours.
STRUCTURED BUT RESPONSIVE
I bring structure - and I respond to what you actually need.
The Threshold Methodology™ provides clear framework (three stages, practices for each). But I don't force your crossing into the framework.
WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE:
- I offer structure (it helps to know where you are in the crossing)
- AND I respond to what's alive right now (if you come to session in acute grief, we work with grief-not the "agenda")
- I provide practices (journaling, somatic work, rituals) - AND I hold them loosely (if a practice doesn't serve you, we drop it)
- I have methodology - AND I trust your unique crossing
WHY THIS MATTERS:
Some practitioners are too structured (forcing you into their model). Some are too loose (no container, no direction).
I bring both: strong container AND responsiveness to your actual process.
A Typical Session
BEFORE SESSION
- You complete intake/application (gives me context for your threshold)
- We have consultation call (mutual assessment, connection, clarity)
- You sign agreement and pay deposit
- Session scheduled
SESSION ITSELF (2 hours typical)
ARRIVAL (10-15 min)
- Check-in: Where are you? What's happened since we last met?
- Settling: Arriving in body, in room, in presence
DEPTH WORK (75-90 min)
- Whatever your crossing needs that day
- Could be: shadow inquiry, somatic work, grief/rage holding, journey work, visualisation, light hypnosis, meaning-making, pattern-naming, ritual preparation
- This is the heart of the session - deep, present, real
INTEGRATION (15-20 min)
- What emerged? What do you see now?
- What's yours to do? (not assignments - invitations)
- Practice offered if appropriate
- Closing
BETWEEN SESSIONS
- Brief WhatsApp support available (questions, check-ins - not ongoing therapy)
- Practices to explore (journaling, somatic work, observation - yours to engage or not)
- You live your crossing (sessions are punctuation, not the whole sentence)
AFTER ENGAGEMENT
- Post-engagement WhatsApp support (7-30 days depending on service)
- Transition to next service if needed (Intensive → Year of Becoming, etc.)
- You're always welcome to return (for new thresholds, ongoing support, etc.)
WHAT I REQUIRE FROM YOU
If we work together, I need:
HONESTY
Tell me the truth. Don't perform "I'm fine" or tell me what you think I want to hear. I can only work with what's real.
COMMITMENT
Show up - to sessions, to your own crossing. Do the work between sessions. This isn't passive - you have to engage.
COURAGE
Be willing to go to uncomfortable places. Face what you've been avoiding. Feel what you've been numbing.
RESPONSIBILITY
You're the one crossing. I hold space, but you do the crossing. I can't do it for you.
COMMUNICATION
Tell me what's working and what's not. If something I'm doing isn't serving you, say so. If you're struggling, tell me.
WHAT I WON'T DO
Boundaries I hold:
I WON'T FIX YOU
You're not broken. I'm not here to repair you. I'm here to witness your transformation.
I WON'T GIVE ADVICE
I won't tell you what to do. I'll ask questions that reveal what you already know.
I WON'T BYPASS YOUR PAIN
I won't try to make you feel better by minimising, spiritually bypassing, or offering premature comfort.
I WON'T TAKE SIDES (In Relational Work)
In couples/family work, I won't ally with one person against another. I'll name dynamics but not pick teams.
I WON'T TESTIFY IN COURT
I will not testify in custody battles, divorce proceedings, or any legal matter. I won't provide documentation for court. My role is threshold support, not legal witness.
I WON'T PROVIDE CRISIS INTERVENTION
If you're in acute danger (suicidal with plan, homicidal, psychotic), you need emergency services - not threshold support. Once stabilised, we can work together.
I WON'T LET YOU AVOID YOUR SHADOW
If you want to stay comfortable and avoid the hard parts, I'm not your practitioner. Shadow work is non-negotiable in this work.
FORMATS I WORK IN
VIRTUAL (Zoom)
- Available worldwide
- Same depth work, different container
- Most of my work is virtual
IN-PERSON (Centurion/Gauteng, South Africa)
- If you're local or visiting
- Especially powerful for rituals and ceremonies
- Available for some services
HYBRID
- Some sessions virtual, some in-person
- Based on what your crossing needs