Signed in as:
filler@godaddy.com
I Hold Thresholds Because I've Crossed Them
ABOUT
The Full Story Behind Threshold Support™
If you want to intimately know who's holding your threshold,
(The Unraveling) BEFORE MY YEAR OF BECOMING (Reclamation) AND VISION QUEST (Authorship)......
THE FIRST MARRIAGE (And What I Didn't Know)
I married young. 22 years old. I thought I knew what I was doing.
I didn't.
I didn't know that marriage is a threshold - an identity death. "I" becomes "we." The person you were before dissolves. You become someone new: a married person.
I didn't cross that threshold consciously. I sleepwalked through it. I performed "wife" without knowing who I was outside of that role.
The marriage finally ended after we were together for 14 years and married for 10. Not because of an explosive moment, but because of a thousand quiet fractures I didn’t have the language for at the time.
And then everything escalated.
After the divorce, I discovered I had been married to someone with narcissistic personality disorder - a truth that explained years of confusion, emotional destabilisation, and the erosion of my sense of self.
I didn't grieve that ending properly. I moved on too fast. Told myself I was fine. Started dating again before I'd let the death of "we" actually kill me.
That was my first unconscious crossing. I survived it. But I didn't transform. Not yet. I just... continued.
After I finally left, he brought hell.
THE SECOND MARRIAGE (And What Broke Me Open)
My second marriage was short - one year.
On paper, it looked promising.
In reality, it revealed every unintegrated threshold I hadn’t yet faced.
There were co-parenting and blended family challenges, family integration issues, differing traditional and spiritual philosophies, and emotional dynamics that cracked open wounds I didn’t realise were still raw.
What I had bypassed in my first marriage… surfaced here.
The relationship brought me face-to-face with the parts of me still shaped by survival.
It unravelled quickly, not because of a lack of love, but because the foundation was built on unresolved thresholds. It was a trauma bonded relationship.
Leaving wasn’t easy - it meant confronting the truth that my unconscious patterns were still leading.
But the ending of that short marriage was the beginning of something else entirely:
the awakening that finally broke me open.
While I was in this marriage, my first ex-husband started litigating…
THE LITIGATION YEARS
My first ex-husband didn't just simply let me go. He litigated - relentlessly.
For 3 years and still counting, I was in family court. Primary resident parenting battle. False accusations. Parental alienation attempts. Financial warfare. Psychological manipulation through the legal system.
I was drowning.
I spent hundreds of thousands on attorneys to defend an “urgent” high court application to remove children from my care due to being an "incompetent mother”. Surviving ongoing proceedings that should never have needed to happen. Almost having my furniture repossessed to pay my attorneys back. My car got repossessed. My property almost got repossessed. I was behind on municipal rates and taxes as well as estate levies. Judgments against me. I had PTSD symptoms - hypervigilance, flashbacks, nightmares. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I was terrified I'd lose my children to an unstable parent.
And I was working full-time. Three full-time jobs. Which ironically, worked against me in the court battles but was the only way I had a fighting chance against the same litigation that forced me to work 3 full time jobs in the first place. And I was raising two daughters. Co-parenting with someone disordered. Navigating the rubble of a short second marriage. Trying to stay functional in a life that made no room for collapse.
And I was supposed to be "okay."
I wasn't okay.
But I didn't have the luxury of falling apart. My children needed me. They needed one stable parent while their own world was being turned upside down.
So I learned to cross thresholds consciously, not because I wanted to, but because I had to.
WHAT I LEARNED IN HELL
Here's what the litigation years taught me:
1. Therapy wasn't enough.
I had a therapist. She was extremely helpful for processing session by session. But she couldn't hold the depth of what I was crossing. She couldn't witness my rage without trying to "help" me calm down. She couldn't sit with me in the void without offering coping strategies.
I needed something therapy couldn't provide: depth witness.
2. Spiritual bypassing was dangerous.
I tried to "heal" my way through it. Meditation. Forgiveness practices. "Letting go."
It didn't work. I was bypassing my rage, my grief, my shadow. And what you bypass doesn't heal-it festers.
I learned: real transformation includes the darkness.
3. The legal system doesn't care about consciousness.
Courts are adversarial. Lawyers are hired guns. The system is designed for warfare, not conscious crossing.
I learned: if you want to cross divorce with integrity intact, you need support that the legal system will never provide.
4. My children were watching.
The most important thing I learned: children survive divorce. They don't survive parental warfare. Not without significant damage.
My job wasn't to "win." My job was to protect my children's psyches while their father tried to destroy me. That meant I had to hold my own pain - really hold it, not project it onto them.
I learned: conscious crossing isn't just for me. It's for everyone downstream of my choices.
THE SUPPORT THAT SAVED ME
I found practitioners and experiences that could hold what my previous therapist couldn't.
A Depth Psychologist I saw for a full 12 months, every Monday, who wasn't afraid of my shadow.
Somatic practitioners who helped me get back in my body after trauma had evicted me.
A Vision Quest around my 40th birthday, a period of fasting and isolation in the wilderness, that got me to finally admit: "Yes. It's that bad. And you'll survive it. Like you survived everything else. Here's how."
The experience in the void, in the liminal space of silence and darkness didn't fix me. It didn't give me advice. It didn't tell me to "let go" or "forgive."
It witnessed me. It held space for my rage, my grief, my terror - without trying to change it. It trusted my crossing.
That's what saved me.
And that's what I now offer others.
WHAT I SURVIVED
Let me name the thresholds clearly:
TWO MARRIAGES, TWO DIVORCES
- First: unconscious (brutal) ending, incomplete crossing
- Second: conscious ending, complete crossing
HIGH-CONFLICT LITIGATION
- 3+ years of family and high court
- Ongoing legal battles, false accusations, parental alienation attempts
- Financial devastation, psychological warfare
- PTSD, hypervigilance, trauma symptoms
SINGLE PARENTING THROUGH IMPOSSIBLE CIRCUMSTANCES
- Working full-time in 3 jobs while co-parenting with a disordered person
- Protecting children from their father's dysfunction
- Being sole emotional stability for kids during years of chaos
DIAGNOSIS / CHRONIC ILLNESS
- Autoimmune disorders throughout my first marriage
- Disorders that got me admitted to hospital almost every 6 months, with multiple ovarian cysts, meningitis, and stress related disorders
- A 21 day voluntary admission into a private mental health facility due to Complex PTSD and depression
- Triple-negative breast cancer, diagnosed on my 30th birthday
- Shame from undiagnosed ADHD that unmade me, multiple times
- Body as negotiation partner, mortality awareness
DEATH
- A near-death event in Lesotho
- A full shamanic initiation and reconstruction
- Deaths of beloved that collapsed entire seasons of my life
SPIRITUAL AWAKENING / EXISTENTIAL CRISIS
- Worldview shattering
- Everything I believed dissolving
- Rebuilding from void
IDENTITY DISSOLUTION (Multiple Times)
- Who I was before each threshold: gone
- Reconstruction of self, again and again
WHAT I BUILT FROM THE WRECKAGE
I didn't just survive my thresholds. I transmuted them.
And in the process, I developed:
THE THRESHOLD METHODOLOGY™
A framework for conscious crossing - three stages (Unraveling, Reclamation, Authorship) that I discovered by living them. Not from books. From blood and bone.
A PRACTICE
I began holding others through their thresholds. First informally (friends, colleagues going through divorce, grief, crisis). Then formally (trained, professional, boundaried).
PROOF IT WORKS
My children are psychologically healthy, emotionally regulated, thriving. So far, they’ve survived their parents' divorce, years of litigation, a disordered father's influence - and they're okay. More than okay.
They are the evidence that conscious crossing works.
WHERE I AM NOW
I'm out from the worst of it.
I am in a healthy, conscious partnership with a man who supports my calling and honours my medicine.
My daughters are thriving - grounded, expressive, spiritually attuned.
I've held hundreds of individuals, couples, and organisations through threshold crossings.
I've built a practice that serves:
- Individuals crossing death, divorce, diagnosis, identity crisis
- Organisations building threshold-aware culture
- Relationships navigating crossings together or apart
I'm not "healed." That's not how thresholds work. The crossings are in me. They made me who I am. I carry them.
But I'm not defined by my wounds. I'm defined by what I became because of them.
That's the invitation I hold for you:
Not to heal. Not to "get over it." Not to return to who you were before.
To become who your crossing is making you.
THE SPECIFIC THRESHOLDS I'VE CROSSED
PARTNERSHIP THRESHOLDS
- Marriage #1: 14-year relationship, 10-year marriage, ended mid 2018
- Marriage #2: 1-year marriage, ended 2022
- High-conflict parenting litigation: 2022 - present (intermittent, ongoing attempts at primary residence litigation)
- Finding safe partnership after trauma: 2025 - present
PARENTING THRESHOLDS
- Becoming mother: 2008. Second daughter 2010.
- Co-parenting with high-conflict ex: 2018 - present
- Children's developmental thresholds: Puberty, pre-adolescence, identity formation - currently active
DEATH / GRIEF THRESHOLDS
- Significant family deaths: Multiple losses between 2015 - 2023, each marking major identity dissolutions
- Grief thresholds: Repeated cycles of deep grief associated with death, divorce, illness, and spiritual initiation
HEALTH THRESHOLDS
- Triple-negative breast cancer diagnosis: 2015 (exactly on my 30th birthday)
- Near-death spiritual initiation in Lesotho: December 2015
- Full biological, psychological & spiritual reconstruction: 2016 - present
IDENTITY / SPIRITUAL THRESHOLDS
- Spiritual awakening: 2015 - 2016. Catalysed by cancer diagnosis (on my 30th birthday) and near-death experience in Lesotho. Collapse of all previous identity structures.
- Shamanic initiation: Activated December 2015, integrated 2016 - 2018. Ancestral calling, near-death reconstruction, emergence of first shamanic medicine - divination
- Vision Quest (wilderness threshold): 2025 (on my 40th birthday). Multi-day solitary fasting and night vigil on the mountain. Confrontation with terror, the Raven, the foaming grasshopper, and the recognition of my role as Threshold Guide. Crystallised my Threshold medicine and my vow to live from my initiatory identity.
- Multiple identity reconstructions: 2015 - present. Each threshold dissolving and remaking the self.
- Integration of spiritual and professional identity: 2025 – present. Birth of The Threshold Methodology™ and The Raven’s Quill™.
PROFESSIONAL THRESHOLDS
Major career transitions:
- Early childhood development specialist career in education and NGO sector (2008 to present)
- Political strategist and campaign director of a major political organisation (2016 - 2018)
- Collapse of professional identity post-illness (2015 - 2018)
- Emergence as Manifestation Expert and Clairvoyant (2018 to present)
- Creation of Threshold Support as a field (2024)
- Founding of The Raven’s Quill™, integrating psychology, anthropology, ritual, and narrative medicine (2015 to present)
Vocational crises & reinventions:
2008 - present: Each reinvention aligning me more deeply with my soul’s work
WHY I DO THIS WORK
I do this work because no one should have to cross alone.
I crossed my worst thresholds with inadequate support. Therapy that couldn't hold the depth. Friends who meant well but didn't understand. A legal system designed for warfare. A culture that wanted me to "move on" before I'd even let myself fall apart.
I survived anyway. But it was harder than it had to be.
Now I offer what I needed then:
- Witness that doesn't try to fix
- Depth that doesn't bypass shadow
- Lived experience that knows the territory
- Holding that trusts your crossing
If you're at a threshold right now - you don't have to do it alone.
That's why I'm here.
WHAT MY CHILDREN TEACH ME
My children are 15 and 17 years old.
They are:
- Psychologically healthy
- Emotionally regulated
- Academically thriving
- Pursuing their passions
- Able to name their feelings
- Able to set boundaries
- Attached securely to both parents (despite their father's limitations)
This is not because I'm a perfect parent. I'm not.
This is because I crossed my thresholds consciously.
I held my own pain so they didn't have to carry it. I got support so I didn't collapse on them. I did my shadow work so I didn't project it onto them. I refused to weaponise them against their father, even when he weaponised them against me.
Children don't need perfect parents. They need parents who cross their own thresholds consciously.
My children are thriving because I did this work. They are my evidence.
Professional Background
FORMAL TRAINING MATTERS. LIVED EXPERIENCE MATTERS MORE.
Here's the background I bring to this work and why credentials alone don't qualify anyone to hold thresholds.
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH CREDENTIALS
Let me be direct about credentials:
I have formal training (listed below). It's relevant. It informs my work. It provides framework, language, and tools.
But credentials don't qualify anyone to hold thresholds.
You can have a PhD in psychology and have never crossed a threshold consciously. You can be a licensed therapist and not be able to hold shadow without trying to fix it. You can be a certified coach and have no idea what the void actually feels like.
What qualifies me to hold thresholds:
- I've crossed them myself (multiple times, consciously, and survived)
- I've developed methodology from lived experience (not just adopted someone else's)
- I've held many people through crossings (individuals, couples, families, organisations)
- I've continued my own development (therapy, supervision, ongoing training)
- I know my limits (and refer when something is outside my scope)
Credentials are foundation. Lived experience is the house.
FORMAL TRAINING & CREDENTIALS
EDUCATION
B Social Science: Psychology & Anthropology (2004 -2006)
University of Pretoria
Focus: Psychology, human behaviour, organisational systems, anthropology,
B Social Science Honours: Anthropology (2007)
University of Pretoria
Postgraduate study and continuing scholarship
Focus: Identity, culture, narrative-making, meaning systems, the anthropology of transitions, and the lived experience of threshold states.
National Diploma in Early Childhood Development (2010-2012)
(Completed prior to entering the social-impact sector)
Foundational training in developmental psychology, attachment and bonding, learning theory, child development frameworks, behavioural patterns, and holistic family systems.
Postgraduate Diploma in Management: Public & Development Sector Monitoring and Evaluation (2015)
Wits School of Governance
Focus: programme evaluation, systems thinking, public-sector reform, research design, organisational learning, and social-impact measurement.
Master of Management: Public & Development Sector Monitoring and Evaluation - Master’s-Level Training
Wits School of Governance
Focus: advanced MEL theory, complexity and adaptive systems, developmental evaluation, qualitative and quantitative inquiry, organisational culture and change.
Masters of Management: Business & Executive Coaching - Master’s-Level Training (2020)
Wits Business School
Professional training in coaching psychology, leadership development, systems thinking, organisational dynamics, and evidence-based coaching frameworks for executives and senior leaders.
PROFESSIONAL TRAINING & SPECIALISATIONS
Monitoring, Evaluation & Learning (MEL)
Advanced professional training in research design, impact measurement, social programme evaluation, and large-scale systems analysis - foundational to my work in mapping and evaluating human thresholds with precision and depth.
Trauma-Informed Practice
Ongoing training in trauma physiology, somatic awareness, nervous-system regulation, and the psychological anatomy of crisis.
Depth Work & Narrative Reconstruction
Continuing studies in depth psychology, archetypal systems, narrative identity reconstruction, grief process, and meaning-making during dissolution.
Spiritual & Shamanic Initiatory Training (Experiential)
Rooted in direct experience:
Near-death activation, ancestral initiation, wilderness threshold (Vision Quest), and integration of spiritual and psychological frameworks into an ethical professional practice.
AREAS OF FORMAL & INFORMAL STUDY
- Threshold crossing and transitional identity
- Shadow, grief, and emotional fragmentation
- Somatic awareness and nervous-system regulation
- Anthropological approaches to self, story, and culture
- Leadership and organisational transitions
- Conscious relationship dynamics
- Trauma-aware co-parenting and high-conflict family systems
- Narrative psychology and authorship practices
ONGOING DEVELOPMENT
I continue my own development through:
- Personal therapy (ongoing-I have my own therapist)
- Supervision/consultation (regular consultation with experienced practitioners)
- Training (annual continuing education)
- My own threshold crossing (lived experience is ongoing teacher)
WHAT I’M QUALIFIED TO DO
Based on my formal training, professional experience, initiatory thresholds, and ancestral giftings, I am qualified to provide:
✅ Depth Threshold Support (The Threshold Methodology™)
Holding individuals, couples, families, and organisations through identity dissolution, transition, and reconstruction.
✅ Shadow Work (Individual & Relational)
Depth-oriented shadow integration rooted in psychology, anthropology, trauma awareness, and lived experience.
✅ Somatic & Body-Based Threshold Practices
Nervous-system oriented work based on trauma-informed embodiment, Vision Quest training, and my own physiological reconstruction after illness.
✅ Grief Support (Non-Clinical)
Holding complex grief - death, divorce, identity loss, illness, spiritual collapse - without bypassing or rushing the process.
✅ Ritual Design & Facilitation
Creating and leading rituals for endings, beginnings, transitions, integration, and sacred witnessing - informed by anthropology and shamanic initiation.
✅ Organisational Threshold Consulting
Supporting organisations through transitions using MEL, systems thinking, organisational psychology, narrative mapping, and leadership development.
✅ Manager & Executive Training on Threshold Support
Educating leaders on navigating staff transitions, identity shifts, and relational dynamics during organisational change.
✅ Executive Mentorship Through Threshold
Supporting senior leaders, founders, and high-impact practitioners through periods of dissolution, reinvention, and calling.
✅ Couples, Family & Co-Parenting Threshold Work (Non-Clinical)
Depth support for conscious partnership, blended-family integration, and high-conflict co-parenting.
✅ Threshold Seership / Clairvoyant Insight
Ancestral, intuitive, and clairvoyant guidance rooted in my shamanic initiation and Vision Quest activation - used ethically, non-predictively, and only to deepen clarity within threshold work (never as fortune-telling or divination for entertainment).
WHAT I'M NOT QUALIFIED TO DO (And Don't Do)
I am clear about my scope of practice:
❌ NOT THERAPY
I do not:
- diagnose mental illnesses
- provide clinical treatment
- accept medical aid insurance
- offer psychological counselling
- function as a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or counsellor
If you need clinical mental health support, I will refer you to a qualified therapist.
❌ NOT MEDICAL CARE
I do not:
- treat medical conditions
- advise on medication
- replace healthcare providers
If you need medical support, you must consult a medical doctor.
❌ NOT LEGAL SERVICES
I do not:
- provide legal advice
- prepare legal documents
- act as a mediator in a legal capacity
- testify in court
If you need legal help, I will refer you to an attorney or accredited mediator.
❌ NOT CRISIS INTERVENTION
I do not:
- provide emergency mental health services
- handle acute psychiatric crises
- provide crisis stabilisation
If you are in immediate danger (suicidal, psychotic, homicidal), please contact emergency services or the nearest hospital.
Once stabilised, we can continue threshold work safely.
WHEN I REFER OUT
I refer clients to other professionals when:
- Clinical mental health support is needed (therapy, psychiatry)
- Medical evaluation or treatment is required
- Legal guidance or representation is necessary
- The situation involves acute crisis intervention
- Your needs fall outside my expertise
- Another practitioner would serve you better
I maintain a network of trusted therapists, psychiatrists, mediators, attorneys, physicians, and other practitioners - and will connect you to the support you need.
MY SUPERVISION & PROFESSIONAL SUPPORT
How I ensure ethical, grounded, high-quality practice:
CONSULTATION
I receive regular professional consultation on my client work (without sharing identifying information) to ensure depth, rigour, and ethical alignment.
MY OWN THERAPY
I work consistently with my own therapist to address my patterns, thresholds, and shadows - so I don’t project them onto clients.
PEER SUPPORT
I am in active community with other depth practitioners, coaches, ritualists, and threshold guides. We challenge, witness, and strengthen each other’s development.
CONTINUING EDUCATION
I continuously study and train - in psychology, anthropology, MEL, somatics, shamanic work, and threshold theory - to deepen my skill, understanding, and capacity.
WHY CREDENTIALS ALONE DON'T QUALIFY THRESHOLD HOLDING
I've met practitioners with impressive credentials who can't hold threshold.
Why?
They've never crossed one consciously themselves.
You can have a PhD in grief and never have let grief unmake you. You can be certified in divorce coaching and never have had your identity die. You can be a trauma expert and never have sat in the void without trying to escape it.
Book knowledge isn't embodied wisdom.
When you're falling apart, you don't need someone who's studied falling apart. You need someone who's fallen apart and reconstructed themselves consciously.
That's what I bring:
Not just training (though I have it). Not just credentials (though I have those).
Lived experience of crossing thresholds that should have destroyed me-and emerging transformed.
That's what qualifies me to hold your crossing.